Upon the Stopping of Jake

They were freewheeling.

The Charger was going 130, easily, riding the downhill country road like surfing a wave. The suspension system absorbed the road flaws and threw them away like a used cigarette butt.

Jake and Tom were laughing their asses off, until they saw the flashing lights in their collective mirrors.

"Oh, shit." The thought occurred to them, simultaneously. Or very close.

Jake pulled the orange beast over, lifted his sunglasses to get a better view in the side mirror, and then let them fall onto the bridge of his nose. After an eternity of held breath, he whispered, "Hide the whiskey."

Tom shoved the bottle down his pants. He looked in his mirror and noted her breasts and blonde hair. He then lowered his eyes to his crotch, and kept them there.

The policewoman walked up next to Jake, peered into the vehicle, without raising her shades.

Tom chanced a glance, and saw his reflection in her lenses.

Jake lowered his window, and asked, "What seems to be the problem, officer?"

She did not respond. Tom grew restless. The whiskey bottle was pressing his nuts.

Once again, Jake queried, "What's the problem?"

The woman officer replied, "You were going a bit fast there, boy."

Jake, not in the least intimidated, responded, "I don't think I was going that fast, actually."

Tom was about to crap his pants on that. Jesus, be nice, and let’s get out of here.

The officer stated, "I have you on radar going 69."

Jake mulled it over, and then asked, "So, is there a problem with '69' on this road?"

The officer replied, "Yeah, when the speed limit is 65."

Jake said back, "Yeah, but lots of cars were passing us, easily going 75, but you stopped us. Do you have a problem with 69?"

"What are you asking, sir?" The woman demanded.

Tom was freaking out.

"What, don't you like a good '69' once in a while, around here, or what?" Jake stood his ground.

As she lifted her shades, she looked across Jake's seat, stared at Tom, lowered her shades, and then spoke directly at Jake.

"I'll tolerate a 69 around these parts, as long as I get to sit on your face."

Jake replied, "I can live with that, baby."

The policewoman leaned in and kissed Jake squarely in the mouth, passionately, while Tom shook in the next seat.

As she pulled away, she commented, "You boys need to be more careful out here."

"Otherwise, I'd have to put my cuffs on you and punish you."

As they peeled out, Jake yelled back, "My place at nine?"

In the rear view mirrors, they both saw her raise her middle finger.

Jake reached over and pulled the whiskey bottle out of Tom's pants and told him, "God, I love a strong woman."

They both watched the speedometer creep up to 140.

Simultaneously, they both yelled, "Fuck gravity!"

Sometimes, Texas roads are good.

Tom wondered how he could ever clean his underwear. He’d have to throw them away. That was just a fact.

Smug grin on Jake's face, as they pulled into town.